Post 27: I'm No Superman (But I Look Good In Tights)

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!  Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  No, it's Superman!  In case any of you don't know that reference, I would strongly encourage you to join the rest of American society and maybe pick up a comic book from time to time.  Superman was America's original superhero, the man of steel who fought for truth and good and, to be completely honest, is kind of boring.  The guy has damn near every single super power, he doesn't have any cool brooding dark history (I mean his planet blew up, but he was a dumb baby then), and he really only has one weakness which is just getting poisoned by a green rock.  That's the main reason Hollywood can't make a good Superman movie anymore.  After seeing Batman brood on the screen with deep character study for three movies, nobody wants to see Clark Kent take off his glasses in a phone booth and be Mr. Perfect with his beaming smile.  

We get it, you're great.

As I've gotten older, one part of Superman's story line (and trust me, it is literally only this one part) has drawn me in and made me feel like I could relate to the Big Blue Boy Scout.  Superman gets his powers from Earth's yellow sun.  Whenever he gets beat down and is nearing the end, he just soaks up some rays and is as good as new, which is incredibly convenient for him but kind of seems like a lazy writer's easy way out of every single jam.  But maybe it wasn't.

You see, I, much like Mr. Kent, also get much of my power from Earth's yellow sun.  You probably do, too.  For as long as I remember, I have suffered from seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.  Having the winter blues is no new concept for most.  As the winter days grow longer and everyone gets more and more stir crazy, they tend to long for those summer days on the lake or the golf course.  Don't get me wrong, I long for those times, too.  But for folks with SAD, it goes beyond just being ready for warmer weather.  Twice a year like clockwork (generally early October/late January into February), my body and mind completely fall into a downward depression cycle.  My digestive system goes haywire, I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I have no energy, and I just want to pull away from the world.  Nothing makes me feel good, and nothing really makes me feel, period.  I literally just shut down.

I've been dancing around this subject in my blog posts for the past month or so, but this winter's sad hit me hard.  I'm not sure if it was any harder than any other year, but when you add all of the extra life stressors that I don't usually have, it seemed to be a little heavier.  Going into my fishing trip, I was down to about 229, but I promptly gained about 10 lbs back in a two week period.  I stopped at Little Caesar's on the way home one night and got a large pizza that I promptly ate it on the way home because I just wanted to feel something, even if it was full and sick.  I had stretches where I really had to talk myself out of bed, and there were a couple of days where I just couldn't.  While others get the flu, I get flu-like symptoms brought on by seasonal depression.  I can't really cope, so I stop trying to and just go into a protective cocoon where I am in survival mode.  That was the reason I stopped posting there for that week stretch, and that was the reason that to get to 225 after being at 229 last month that I had to lose 15 pounds in the past two weeks.  It was the driving force behind needing to drop that class because something had to come off my plate in order for me to pick myself back up.  I pop Vitamin D.  I need to buy a sunlamp, but until I do, I try my best to get out of my basement cubicle and go for a walk where there are windows and direct sunlight.  I make sure that the blinds are open at home so that I can get every single second of the sun's precious rays.  

This is something I've dealt with since at least college (the first time it was officially diagnosed), and it is something that I've learned to ride out when it rears its ugly head.  After having a fairly rough go of it this year, I need to be more proactive with being ready for it when it comes barreling at me during the same two times every year.  Unlike Superman, I'm not infallible.  I don't need to battle a Lex Luthor because I've got the supervillain SAD throwing punches at me. Transforming into the best me isn't as easy as ripping my shirt off, throwing aside my glasses, and running around in my underwear (although I have a story from late January in Vegas a couple of years that sounds awfully similar).  But just like Superman, a little sun goes a long way to making me super.  

Jeff