Everyone loves running to the mailbox on their birthday to receive the bounty of birthday cards and gifts that the postman has left for them. Okay, so everyone in 1987 loved running to their mailbox. In 2012, it is pretty standard procedure to wait until 10 pm and read the 218 birthday messages that are posted on your wall. As a crusader against all things greeting card related, I am perfectly okay with the shift in birthday tradition. With that said, I was surprised this morning to find my mail box overflowing with messages (oddly enough, mostly questions) from the hundreds of millions of adoring fans of this blog. I decided I would take some time out of my busy birthday schedule to answer a few of the messages.
Wow, you really screwed up your diet last week. I have a feeling that your goal of under 200 before your wedding is probably slipping away since you clearly don't have the discipline to make it through one week (hell, you couldn't even make it one day). Give me one good reason why I should keep reading your tales when it is pretty clear this story only ends in heartbreak.
- Nancy from What Cheer, IA
Jeez, Nance, take it easy on me! First of all, I'm shocked that you had time to read Tuesday's blog, pen this nasty message, find a stamp, and walk your crabby ass down to the Post Office in time for me to have this warm message this morning. Truth is, I bombed last week. Second truth is that I've already lost everything I gained and fully expect to be back on track next week to hit my December goal. When I do, expect to find a box full of Christmas goodies waiting for you on your doorstep. I'd steer clear of the fudge.
I thought you said this blog was going to be about more than just your weight. Other than your weekly check-ins, we haven't heard much about what else is going on in your life, particularly the wedding. What gives?
-Stewart from Nimrod, MN
Well, Stewart, I've had a lot going on in my life that contributes to not having an extra half hour to wax poetic about floral arrangements or party favors. I've mentioned it a couple of times before, but I'm currently trying to get my Master's degree finished. I used to procrastinate in 1st grade and I still do in my graduate work, so I usually let stuff wait until the last minute and then have to use up any and all free writing time reacting to a YouTube video or crafting an ice breaker. Honestly, right now the wedding planning is kind of on auto-pilot and the weight loss is focus number one for both the bride and the groom. With Molly being a teacher, we knew we needed to hit the planning road hard back in August before school started. We are still ironing out some small details as we go, but for the most part, we could have a wedding tomorrow with what we've got accomplished. Well, except for the flowers. Trust me, Stew, you don't want to get me started on the flowers.
Professor Pool, I was looking at the class schedule and saw that you're teaching a class at 8 am on Tuesdays this Spring. Just so you know, I'm probably gonna be late every day.
-Ronnie from Cambridge, MN
That's fine, Ronnie, but please make sure to stop at Caribou on your way and pick me up a Northern Lights Vanilla Latte. Thanks in advance. So, yeah, I'm also teaching my first class this Spring. It is called First Year Experience and I'll be doing my best to make sure that no one repeats my first year experience. Amazingly enough, this course meets one of the transfer goal areas required for graduation, so I can't even show up, put my feet on the desk, and sip coffee for an hour and a half. I must be my students' guiding light, a beacon in the haze of freshman confusion. I must instill in them the virtues of higher education and build their critical thinking skills so that they can go on to become foreign dignitaries and cancer curers. Or I could just show YouTube videos and make them do ice breakers. Right now only four people are signed up, so I currently don't even have a big enough class to assign them Breakfast Club roles.
Are you doing anything special for the end of the world? I'm not sure if you've heard, but December 21, 2012 is just around the corner.
-Maya from Mexico
Just stocking up on Charmin and protein shakes, but that's a pretty typical Sunday for me. One thing I know for sure is that I'm going to wait until December 22 to start blowing money on Christmas gifts, just in case.
Any thoughts on the current state of Minnesota sports?
- Tortured in the Twin Cities
Here are a couple of thoughts -
Wild: Officially the least frustrating team in town, mostly because the NHL is on lockout. Growing up in South Dakota, I didn't have the ravenous hockey spirit that exists in Minnesota. Still, for as long as I can remember watching live sports (not TV, but butt in the arena seats), hockey has been my hands down favorite. There aren't constant stoppages for commercials like the NFL, it is nonstop action unlike the MLB, and the players don't seem like they are mailing it in like the average NBA regular season game. So, yeah, get your money in order and get back on the ice.
Timberwolves: Rubio can't get back soon enough because he is Ricky Rubio, and he not like nobody else. I was pretty excited about the Wolves last year before injuries killed half the team. That good luck continued into the early season. I still think they have way too much talent on their team to not be able to push for a playoff spot once everyone gets healthy and getting into the flow.
Vikings: I've been watching the Vikings since I was old enough to understand the curse words that my grandpa yelled at the TV on Sundays. This year is no different. You've got the best running back in the league but somehow forget to use him. You have a superstar, Swiss Army Knife player in Harvin who can't play an entire season. You've got a highly drafted quarterback who can't throw a swing pass. They always win just enough to keep you interested so that they can kill your Christmas spirit when they officially can't make the playoffs in December.
Twins: I hear Francisco Liriano might be coming back, which would be the bright spot in the rotation. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2013 Minnesota Twins!
You had hoped that year 30 was going to be one of the best ones yet. How'd that work out for you?
- Barry in Tuscaloosa
Year 30 (well, technically 31, Barry) ranks right up there with the best of them. I moved in with Molly, got engaged with all my friends and family around, started school again, got to see some great concerts, officiated my first wedding as Rabbi Poolowitz, got down to 227 pounds, ballooned back to 264, managed to fight my way back to 245, paid off some debt, found out how much I love to cook, got better at my job, drew faces on fruit, toured my first brewery and subsequently became a beer snob, went to my first microbrew sampler, warmed up my future niece and nephew, had an organ removed, caught some nice perch, almost asphyxiated in an ice house, saw The Avengers and Dark Knight Rises in IMAX 3-D, have more friends and family than I did at this time last year and didn't lose any in the process, went to Lambeau, completed the pro-sports quadfecta (saw an NBA, NHL, NFL, and MLB game last season (sorry, Ashley, the WNBA doesn't count)), saw one of my all-time favorite comedians, played more Phase 10 than a human should be allowed, discovered Homeland and got Molly addicted to Dexter, had as close to the perfect day as I'll ever have on my one year anniversary, got my ass kicked by a tiny Asian masseuse during a couples massage, ate Smashburger and Five Guys for the first time, wore a cardigan sweater on two of the hottest days of the summer because I wanted to look good proposing and in our engagement pics, went to Ikea for the first time (and the second time and the third time), cussed at the tiny wrench included in the Ikea boxes, bought a piece of the Metrodome, and so, so much more. I laughed and loved more than I cried and hurt by at least a hundredfold.
I guess at a certain point the age thing stops being as important and the milestones start spreading out to five and ten year intervals. Thirty-one doesn't exactly roll off the tongue and doesn't carry the same neat packaging as thirty did, but when I look forward to what the next year could bring, I can't help but be excited. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. See you next Tuesday!
Basked in birthday glory,
Jeff
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